St Mary's

Sharing on the third Sunday of Advent 2011.

I want to share with you, more about the experience I wrote about and which now can be read in St Mary’s Matters. Firstly, I will do this by commenting on John’s Gospel 1:6-8, 19-28. These comments will not be from an academic learning or from biblical studies.  They will be coming from my own way of seeing.

I know that we all have the truth within us. The Reality of heaven is within us. I see that Reality as our true being.  Whatever truth and wisdom that may be expressed belongs to the One Being. Anything else can be let ‘pass to the keeper.’

In the Gospel we see the priests and Levites coming to John the Baptist with a question, “who are you?  Does it remind you of the theme of our magazine,’ Who are you?’ Who am I?’ Maybe, this is another invitation to us to ask ourselves this question and listen to our own answer.

The voice, arising from the wilderness, from the silence of my awakening experience, has a lot of,’ l am not’ in regards the reality of the separate self, and it views the very idea of separation as illusionary. Instead, the voice cries out in surrender and points to the one Reality – the mystery in which we are all embedded. T he Unmanifest is seen manifesting in form, including what I call myself. I had the good fortune recently of gazing into a Gerbera flower. It was stunningly beautiful with all its magnificent petals connected to the centre and pointing back to the centre. I have also seen amazing paintings of flowers – one with petals enrapturing the center, one with petals partly open to reveal a burst of magnificent growth from its centre and another displaying the center.  I have also been watching a beautiful little bird, a finch, who built an exquisite nest in the shrub on my balcony. She has been coming and going with food in her beak. I have been made aware that creation is teaming with witnesses, both vocal and silent, all manifesting the One; emptiness dancing.

I will comment on ‘Make a straight way for the Lord’. In the times when I have felt disturbed and  out of center I have found it wonderful to remember that our true being is just as it always is. It is just a matter of letting go and being home. I think Emmet Fox certainly has got a “A golden Key” when he says, “Stop thinking about the difficulty, whatever it is, and think about God instead.”  I know that the root of my lack of peace is the same root for all the misery in the world so love has an answer& may invite me to compassionate action. Right here , right now the one intelligent, loving Reality is in every moment, every event . It is the reality of myself and everyone. If I am drawn to meditation, reading or any practice – fine , but there is really nothing to be done to improve on ‘what is’.   Awareness reveals the Presence is here, and. is there in everything that arises. It makes everything perfect just the way it is. This has helped me greatly to accept how events unfold and not be attached to a plan.

I will now share a very brief overview of my life story in thanksgiving for how my direct experience has made such a difference. I can conclude from my life story that it is not by chance that our unique life stories have evolved the way they have. It is rather wonderful that they have all brought us to be here together today.

In the years that followed the awakening experience, I was carried along by  grace.  Mass and visits to the Blessed Sacrament  were relished. My egoic press button reactions and complexes about shyness and lack of relating skills were still there but did not diminish in any way the truth received and which was kept as a secret..

Towards the end of my school days I just happened to pick up a brochure about the blessed sacrament Fathers and when I saw in their church a pamphlet about the Servants of the blessed Sacrament I was convinced it was the place for me. I had thought of the Daughters of Charity, however, the desire to be silently with my truth won the choice and I entered the enclosed congregation on the 1^st of May 1955. I felt like a fish in water – just where I was meant to be.

I rejoiced that there was nothing that could add to the perfection of our being. We could never be more one with God than what we are right now. The reality experienced was very present to me, especially, after talks about ways to strive to be closer to God.

My Truth & firm belief that vowed religious life was God’s will for me, enabled me to accept challenging events that became the ‘straight way for the lord ‘to anoint with Presence..

. No one expected’’ The Vatican 2 council ‘to propel such vast changes to our lifestyle. However, I haven’t got the time to go further into the ‘the parable of Barbara’. I think it would span the larger part of my life’s journey. Suffice it to say, that through all the changes of like styles, persona changes, undreamt of situations, places & events , the Truth of Reality was my unchanging  rock  with all its different manifestations.

My purpose for sharing with you today is to give witness to the light – the often overlooked source that truly is who we are, the Way, the Truth & the Life.  I just spoke of the amazing changes since Vatican II, however, nothing can really compare with the stupendous  change which came with awakening from –  who I thought I was with my world view and  conditionings – to the unshakable awareness of Reality that is  all that is.  What a change from a world where God was difficult to find to knowing that, in truth, there is only God, consciousness or what some prefer to say– the mystery in which we are all embedded.

What do I still value from those early days?  Among all that has been let go off what has those early years reinforced?   It was fairly obvious that I couldn’t point to external circumstances for my happiness. Happiness comes from within our true nature where there is no will but God’s.

It is blessed to have a still mind which is open to the holy spirit and the mind of Christ.  In reality it is our true state. Obedience required me to go to confession once a week. At first this was a challenge as I knew God only sees innocence. Finally, I came across, “vain , idle, useless thoughts “ Whenever, I became aware of them , I valued coming back to the MIND of  Christ and availability to the holy spirit.  I still like to keep an awareness of my thoughts and shed the light of truth on them. However, even the ability to be aware comes from awareness Itself – and we are that.

The vastness of love is no respecter of circumstance. It can be manifested doing the most menial of tasks, as well as, the grandest. We are that love.

Reality is worthy of absolute trust. Looking back as now I can see the guidance. Everything has flowed perfectly and is perfection just as it is. This doesn’t appear on the surface.

I will conlude by referring back to the Gospel, I will have to say as John, as Barbara with a separate identity that who I appear to be is not. However, if you look closer with grace you will see the mystery in which we are all embedded, manifesting in diversity – one of which is called,  Barbara; who really is one with the whole.

Please excuse me as I am putting words to that which is beyond words. Hopefully there is a pointer among them.

Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to express what is true for me.

Thank you for listening.