Liturgies

I was having a coffee with Robert Perrier the other day and he reckons there are only three types of fear

1. Fear of not getting what we want

2. Fear of losing what we have and

3. Fear of being caught for what we’ve done (which is often in response to addressing the first two fears)

I’m not sure where my piano lessons fit into Robert’s three types of fear. Maybe it was fear of being rejected by an authority figure or something as basic as fear of not being loved. Whatever it was I know that fear stifled me; it paralysed me.

That’s what fear does. Fear makes excuses about wanting to stay in our comfort zone – where we feel secure. Just like the bloke we heard about in John 5.

When Jesus asks “Do you want to get well?” – do you want to be rid of this thing that paralyses you – he makes an excuse

“Sir, I have no-one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.”

And isn’t this exactly what we all do in fear? We make excuses for not facing it. Much of our fear is fear of change in the status quo, a fear that we might lose what we have if we venture forth from where we are now.

All of us, in one way or another, stifle what we have in us to be. We do it without knowing it. And we do it, not because we’re evil, but because we’re frightened; frightened of letting ourselves go; frightened of being who we really are; frightened that we’ll lose our self – image, our need to be

right, our need to be successful, our need to have everything under control, our need to be loved by others; frightened because we don’t really believe we’re made in the image of God. So frightened that when a full and perfect man lived on this earth, he had to be killed as a measure of security. And I suspect that if Jesus were walking on this earth today we would kill him again….for exactly the same reasons, and by the same people (us), that they did 2000 years ago.

Story of Merv

Jesus is quoted as saying “Do not fear” over 100 times in the Bible.

I don’t think that’s a coincidence.

There’s a saying that says there’s only two types of bike riders – those who have fallen off and those who will fall off. To be clear what this is saying is that if you’re a bike rider it’s inevitable that you’re going to fall off…in fact you’re going to fall off often the longer you spend time on your bike.

The saying is parallel to all of our lives. In life, the longer you live, it is inevitable that you’re going to “fall off” - when life doesn’t work out the way you wanted it to, when you’re feeling out of control, when you’re fearful, when you’re scared. And it will happen more than once…like falling off a bike.

So what have I learnt when I’ve been through such times?

1. It’s no fun…in fact it feels awful. It hurts and I want it to end

2. The only way out is through – and it’s the going through it that I’ve learnt a lot about myself and I’ve matured

3. I’ve learnt that I need to slow down, meditate, pray, be quiet, destimulate, exercise, walk, look up, listen to the birds.

4. I need to make the above activities into habits by practising discipline

5. I’ve learnt that writing stuff down so I can process what I’m going through is really helpful for me. And the writing has to be raw and real…not pop psychology like “every day in every way I’m getting better”. Journalling really helps me at the time but it also helps when I fall down again, to reread and be reminded that there’s often a pattern to how I’ve got myself into these times and how I respond

6. Be humble and thankful

7. I’ve found it really helpful to spend time having a regular catch up with people who are real, who have had tough times, who aren’t afraid of asking hard questions and who have developed coping strategies that they’re happy to share, who are brave - for me it’s people like old mates like Andy Bruun (who came the other week), Robert Perrier, a couple of old Uniting Church minister mates of mine Michael Barnes and Paul Jensen, and the woman I’m lucky enough to be married to

8. I’ve used professional help when I’ve needed to

9. I’ve learnt to keep going even when I didn’t really want to…and that focussing on others was really helpful in getting me out of my own head

10. I’ve tried to learn to be more honest about my motivations and a bit less attached to my own self image and who I think I am and who others think I am

The philosopher Kirkegaard once said “WE TIPTOE THROUGH LIFE SO THAT WE ARRIVE AT DEATH SAFELY”

It’s often the really difficult times that are the “gifts dressed up as bombs”. Going through each of those times has pushed me where I wouldn’t have gone myself if it had been up to me. It’s forced

me from where I was, down into the pool we read about in John 5, where I can rid myself of what’s preventing me from moving on and become my better self

So…could I have been a concert pianist? Who knows but I do know that playing the piano really well remains one of those things on my bucket list and the piano remains my favourite instrument to listen to.

Jesus says to us

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you…Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid”.

We are called away from fear and into freedom. Freedom to love. Freedom to try. Freedom to learn…Freedom to fully live. May that freedom be yours. And mine.